Happy... New Year?

I wanted to write an entrance today just because it is the last day of the year according to the blog's calendar.

According to mine, there is no new year. There are no years. Time passes by, of course it does, but things won't change just because we "start a new year". EVERYTHING remains the same. We don't have to wait until 2012 to make things right. We need to try and always do our best.

Don't say "next year I'll try to do this and that..." JUST DO IT.

Why wait? I know life doesn't!

Traducción:

Quería escribir una entrada hoy sólo porque es el último día del año de acuerdo con el calendario de este blog.

De acuerdo al mío, no hay año nuevo. No hay años. El tiempo pasa, por supuesto que lo hace, pero las cosas no cambian simplemente porque "empezamos un nuevo año". TODO sigue igual. No tenemos que esperar hasta el 2012 para hacer las cosas bien. Tenemos que intentar siempre dar lo mejor.

No digan "el próximo año intentaré hacer esto y aquello..." SIMPLEMENTE HÁGANLO.

¿Por qué esperar? Se que la vida no lo hace!

Déjame Entrar

Alguien toca a la puerta. Alarmada, corro a esconderme, esperando que el intruso abandone su idea de perturbarme. Horas pasan, días y noches enteras... y el individuo se marcha, perdiendo todo interés en su tarea. Sonrío, aliviada.

Suena el teléfono. Nerviosa, intento ignorar su sonido, continuando mi análisis sobre la textura de una silla carmín. El pitido se repite, y ya no puedo tolerarlo. Espero impaciente a que se detenga, y entonces lo desenchufo por completo. Suspiro, aliviada.

Una carta llega con el correo. Entre reacia y curiosa, la abro. Leo palabras de preocupación e interés, de alegría y jovialidad. Leo buenas intenciones y una invitación al mundo. Confusa, la tiro.

Puede que siempre haya sido la misma persona. O puede que fuesen infinidad de humanos distintos... y aún así, les negué la entrada. No les permití conocerme. No me permití conocerles.

Y no viví.

Au revoir, mère

Hoy la paliza ha sido más fuerte que la caricia.

El recuerdo del afecto que alguna vez profesaste se ha ido desvaneciendo desde hace tiempo. En vano intenté retenerlo entre mis manos, pues no era más que arena escurriéndose por mis dedos, envolviéndome en frustración y tristeza.

Desearía encontrar la manera de evitar la eterna repetición de esta escena, en que sólo se retrata tu rechazo una vez más.

Mas, incluso dejando tus palabras y gestos de lado, encuentro aquí la verdadera razón de mi pena. La indiferencia. Soy menos que viento soplando en tu rostro. Soy más insignificante que la piedra que pateas al caminar.

Soy a quien decides ignorar día a día.

Soy quien se siente más lejos que nunca.

Soy quien ya no podrá regresar.

I Hate Sheldon Cooper

BAZZINGA!

Sheldon is one of my favorite characters of all times.

Twisted Mind

Leo cosas que escribí hace más de 5 años... y creo que me drogaba. Demonios, qué se me pasaba por la mente para escribir esas cosas?

No puedo ser más retorcida...

El Camino

El camino no era lo suficientemente largo… aún no estaba preparado. ¿Quién lo estaría? Sólo deseaba una cosa mientras me detenía frente a la puerta del edificio, condenadamente puro y encantador. Sólo quise despertar. Ay, si la vida fuese sólo un sueño ¿No sería eso maravilloso?

Fooling Myself

I still keep on hiding.

So tired of denying.

Will this ever come to an end?

Will I ever be myself?

Sometimes I wonder why

I try so hard...

lying,

pretending,

saying everything is alright.

I may fool you,

and you,

and them.

But I should know,

I'm NOT fooling myself.

Escenarios de la Vida

Siempre contemplando un mismo escenario...

El insulso guión no logro cambiar.

Misma obra, mismos actores, mismos regaños,

hastiada de la monotonía del lugar.

Tristemente, me pregunto si podría

dejar la ciudad, unirme a otra compañía,

y desesperanzada entiendo que sería

exactamente la misma agonía.

Privacy

Privacy. All I needed in that moment was just a little bit of intimacy. Was that too much to ask? I guess it was. Over twenty people were talking, weeping and sighing inside the house, and I was about to have a nervous breakdown.

_______________________________________

Privacidad. Todo lo que necesitaba en ese momento era sólo un poco de intimidad. Era demasiado pedir? Supongo que sí. Más de veinte personas estaban hablando, llorando y suspirando dentro de la casa, y yo estaba por tener un colapso nervioso.

Yesterday

Let me go back to yesterday.

Let me breathe before he takes my breath away.

Let me remember I'm not longer the same.

Let me tell you I'm better off that way.

PS: this kinda screws up part of the previous entrance, but it's just a coincidence.

Writing Mutations

I used to be so obsessive about my writing.

Always checking and double-checking that there was no word repetition. God, I hated word repetition!

And stops and full stops. Sentences involving one single word drove me crazy... and now I love them. Honestly.

People change. I changed. Or maybe I just mutated, but still... It's like I don't care how things sound anymore. I enjoy using extravagant words, but it is no longer a need.

I used to write poetry and could not stand the fact that sometimes verses don't necessarily have to rhyme.

Now I just think words need to have a meaning.

Now I just use words to give myself a meaning.

Reject Me.

Guess the more you want to help the worse things turn out. I break every little thing I touch. All good intention will end up in chaos. I'm tired of fighting against the Universe's will. Maybe I should just sit and wait for things to happen. Good or bad, no matter what.
But I hope that's not me. I actually want to make things better and all I do is give people reasons to keep on ignoring me.

Keep on laughing at me.
Keep on rejecting me.
Rejecting me.
Rejection.
Reject.
Reject Me.

Ser Feliz by S. Freud

There are two ways to be happy in this life; one is by pretending to be a fool, the other is to actually be one.

Christmas Present

I'm thinking of buying myself a mirror for Christmas.

What for?

Well, to have someone to talk to, of course.

Someone who will listen to what I need to say.

Someone who will care if I'm falling away.

Someone who will try to stop this madness.

Someone who will see this internal sadness.

Everytime

Guess no-one knows. Or at least no-one cares.

I'm alone once again. People all around me, talking, laughing, breathing, living.

And I'm dead.

Everytime I speak my mind and you look away.

Everytime I cry and you just close your eyes.

Everytime you know I have something to say,

Every-single-time, something inside of me just dies.

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(Traducción)

Supongo que nadie sabe. O al menos a nadie le importa.

Estoy sola una vez más. Gente a mi alrededor, hablando, riendo, respirando, viviendo.

Y estoy muerta.

Cada vez que digo lo que pienso y apartas la mirada.

Cada vez que lloro y tú simplemente cierras los ojos.

Cada vez que sabes que tengo algo para decir,

Cada vez, algo dentro de mí sencillamente muere.

Empacando mi Adiós

Cada prenda que guardaba era un nuevo adiós. El montón de cajas en el rincón sólo servía para agrandar el hueco en mi corazón. Otra vez demostraba mi debilidad; otra vez estaba sola.

Cansada de mutar por obligación. Harta de ser un camaleón contra mi voluntad.

No quiero ser un cóndor si no se me permite volar, ni quiero ser oso sin poder hibernar.

Be Animal

This image nearly broke my heart and tore my apart...

We must remember how important this beautiful friends are to us, and by no means should we leave them behind or forget about them.

We need to learn from them. Humans like to pretend they are better than anyone else in this world, but that's exactly what makes them the worst of all.

Learn to be faithful and loyal no matter what.

Learn to be a better being.

Learn to be animal.

Rhythm Of The Rain

Tum....tum tú tum.... tum.... tum tú tum..

tú... tú tú... tú.... tú tu tú

Rain has its own rhythm tonight.

It's absolutely amazing how perfect nature is. Sometimes I forget that... It is just so wonderful!

We should really pay more attention to the magnificent beauty that remains undiscovered... it's out there waiting, and it might be too late if we keep on ignoring it.

In the end, who gives a shit?

Just like that Linkin Park song says "In the end, it doesn't even matter"... that's how I feel. I feel like nobody gives a damn about anyone else. They only care about themselves.

You feel disappointed? WELL HOW ABOUT ASKING IF I'M OKAY? DID THAT EVER CROSS YOUR MIND?

I'm not being selfish, I'M NOT.

I wish I had been able to do what you needed me to do, but I couldn't... I couldn't and you just didn't care enough to ask if there was a reason why I wasn't there that night.

But who gives a shit.

Who gives a shit.

Change Of Identity

Sometimes I wish I could find myself a new identity. Like being undercover... I need to stop being me and start being myself for a while. I don't want to change who I am, I just want to be able to live without everything else.

Use Me

El mundo del humano se rige por intereses. Se mueve y maneja por ellos.

I feel like the only reason why someone would come and talk to me is because I've got something they need from me. Maybe I have a big sign on my face that says "Use Me, I'm Loving It" and I haven't noticed yet...

All I know is that I'm tired of being unable to trust people. I'm tired of being ignored, used and then left behind.

What Humans Are

We can’t truly understand how fragile we are.

It only takes one second to steal our lives away, and we aren’t aware of the threats out there.

Nevertheless, this might be positive if we come to think about it… I mean, if we really were aware of everything that happens around us, if we really knew how difficult life is… Would we still have a smile on our faces every day? Would we still think of the world as a beautiful place?

Ever since I’ve watched one particular TV show, I’ve come to wonder if we really deserve what happens to us. Humans destroy everything on their reach if it’s anyhow helpful to please their demands.

Maybe the human race is just an experiment that turned out wrong, and whoever our maker is, he’s determined to fix his mistake and leave no trace of it. Maybe we are nothing more than a messed up lab test. Maybe we were never meant to happen.

Maybe we don’t deserve to be saved.

The Irony Of Change

Today I woke up and decided I needed to do something different. Decided I wanted to be someone different.

Then I laughed and continued sleeping.

____________________________________

Hoy me desperté y decidí hacer algo diferente. Decidí que quería ser alguien diferente.

Luego me reí y seguí durmiendo.

My Path

Sometimes I wonder why I feel so lonely. Maybe I haven’t found my path yet, though most people say there’s no road but the one you build yourself on the way through life. And I believe they are right, but I don’t know where to start.

Now I feel I might have misunderstood life’s true meaning. Maybe I am confused by society and just need to be INTO THE WILD. Maybe I will be the next Alexander Supertramp.

Life is beautiful, and there are many things that keep us away from that beauty. I’ve always been shallow; I’ve always cared about money. Sadly, I now realize money gets you nowhere. It might make easier to walk the steps of life, but if you are not alive on the inside, then there’s nothing money can do for you.

If you can’t appreciate life’s most important things, then you’re not worth it.

I will probably think different tomorrow than I do right now, but that’s exactly why I’m writing it. Because, at least for a moment, this thought was real. I meant it.

Facebook facts.

Facebook me genera impotencia social. / Facebook gives me social impotence.

Facebook me da ganas de asesinar demasiada gente / Facebook makes me want to murder way too many people.

Facebook me distrae de mis deberes / Facebook distracts me from my duties.

Facebook hace que ya no me sienta única, por más que nunca lo fui / Facebook made me stop considering myself unique, even if I never was.

En síntesis, Facebook está alterando mi vida / In conclusion, Facebook is messing up my life.

Killing the dream

It is so sad to know that my biggest dream in life is to become a writer while I'm so bad at it. It's really stressing for me to realize that my "most wanted" desire is never to be accomplished.

Laugh At Me. Thank You

Okay. Time to laugh at me.
Cause I'm so self-destructive, with such a low self-esteem that no-one would actually feel sorry for me. It even annoys me.
I mean... do I always need to complain about everything? Why can't I be thankful for the good things that happen in life? The world is not all black, you know?
Well, I know. I know, but still...

I'm fucked up. What can I say?

This blog probably looks like it was written by a 12-year-old emo girl. And I've got nothing against them, but that is just not me (anymore?).
And it is even more upsetting to know there might be a lot of mistakes, for english is not my mother tongue.

What Hurts The Most

To be ignored.
I can’t stand it.
It is way too annoying; or maybe it just hurts too much.
Have you ever felt invisible? No, actually is more than that. Because they see you. They see you standing there and they find pleasure in pretending you are not.


I’m tired of playing the victim, but I feel like there’s no other part meant for me.

Yes I do, No I Don't

I want to do this.

No, I don't.

But... yes I do!

NO, I don't.

BUT...

No buts.

No, I mean it this time... I WANT to do it. No, I don't. Well, I actually do. Or maybe I don't... Should I do it? What for? It doesn't matter what for, the thing is I just want to do it. WAIT, I don't want to do it anymore.

YES, that's how my mind works every single second of every single day. And I'm just sick and tired of it.

If You Read... This.

If someone, by any chance, reads something of all the useless stuff you can find in this blog, I'd really like you to just leave a comment.

The point of this blog wasn't actually to make my thoughts public or anything like that, but it's always nice to hear someone else's opinion, whether they agree or disagree with you.

_________________

Si alguien, de casualidad, lee algo de todas las cosas inútiles que hay en este blog, realmente me gustaría que deje un comentario.

El punto de este blog no era en realidad hacer públicos mis pensamientos ni nada así, pero siempre es agradable escuchar la opinión de alguien más, ya sea que esten o no de acuerdo conmigo.

Let it Bleed

if you feel like dying you might wanna sing

AIDS / SIDA

Hoy como todos los primeros de diciembre desde hace años, hago mención al Día Mundial de la Lucha Contra el SIDA.

Porque sólo puede combatirse con la prevención. Si está en nuestras manos evitar los males que trae esta enfermedad, entonces es nuestro deber hacerlo.

- - - - - - - -

Today like every December 1st since a couple of years, I mention the World AIDS Day.

Because it can only be fought with prevention. If it is within our reach to stop all the bad things that come with this disease, then it is our duty to do so.

Por el bien de todos nosotros, debemos protegernos.

For the sake of us all, we must protect ourselves.